God of Love
Chapter 2: Romance
A rich, multi billion-dollar man.
When he was eleven, he had this dream of one day, when he got out of his mother's shackles, of working to become super rich. Then he could enjoy the rest of his life squandering money while making even more money, even while sitting on the couch watching TV.
Thinking of that idea, Lucas's eyes sparkled.
The number of rich men he killed could be counted by having only ten people, each using their hands and feet.
He has witnessed a lot of rich men over the years, squandering money while being showered with money, power, and women.
Because of his mother's missions, he always had to get close to these kinds of men, one way or another, and that was the kind of life he wanted.
Thinking about it, a huge smile appeared on his face, and he thought of the money he and his mother had made over the years. It was more than enough money to say super rich, but thinking about the source of the money, he gave up. Soon, he also noticed something else.
"Although part of the money is mine, it's dirty, made by years of murder. Even legitimately mine, if I use this money to start with, I won't have the sense of accomplishment when I actually get richer."
He knew that part of the happiness of being rich came from having done everything with his own hands. That part can be big or small depending on the person, and Lucas is certainly someone who appreciates his results, he already knew what he wanted, and wouldn't be happy until he could do it all from scratch.
Looking at the fifty thousand, he made an effort to make peace with himself, and finally decided to use that money only for normal expenses, such as rent, food, and small amenities. He literally wants to start from scratch.
After finally deciding, he looked back at his notebook, reading all his past goals, dreams, and ideas, hoping to find inspiration for his future life, and finally came to a part where he was in conflict.
It was a part of the book that concerned romance.
His mother talked so much about him not having the right to date someone normal that Lucas's self-esteem slowly became very small. He began to see himself as a psychopath, even though he had the normal, healthy feelings of a young boy. Thanks to that, romance seemed distant to him.
Although he had decided to lose his virginity soon, something purely physical, deep down, he hoped to experience a normal romance.
Boy meets girl, sparks light up, the two begin to have bittersweet feelings for each other, situations happen that make them come closer, and finally, the kiss, the hugs, holding hands ... something innocent and beautiful. Finally, after months, or years, of dating, the consummation of all feelings, a sex full of love and passion.
Having these kinds of feelings and thoughts completely negates his supposed psychopathy, though he himself does not realize it.
Closing the notebook tightly, his eyes looked red as those feelings of desire dominated his body.
"I want this."
He said and thought out loud.
His mind quickly began to think about how to make this happen, while at the same time fighting his sense of inferiority and complex feelings about being a killer wanting a romance.
This seemed like a difficult battle, as it had buried itself deep in his mind. He was unworthy of any girl his age, and the idea of dating a normal woman a few years older didn't even register in his mind.
Lucas was a boy, in a way, traditional. Although he had many abnormal thoughts for a normal boy, because he always wanted a normal life, many of his thoughts fit those of a normal boy.
That is why, although he wanted to be extremely rich, like the targets he had killed before, the "women" part never came to mind, since he always wanted to have a monogamous relationship. For him, it was okay to be promiscuous as long as it wasn't a serious relationship.
On the other hand, he had the thought of committing himself wholly to whoever he chose, as he took the wedding vows very seriously.
That was one of the few parts of Lucas that were really his. Although raised by his mother with brainwashing techniques, there was still an individual there, and those few parts of his personality showed it.
If he didn't have his own ideas, where did he get the idea of having a monogamous relationship? A marriage of pure love, in which there is mutual respect, strong feelings of attachment ... none of this concerned his mother, who though not promiscuous, always spat when he mentioned things like marriage and fidelity.
Over the years, Lucas has tried to ask about his father, and his past. Even about her love relationships, but his mother didn't seem to want to talk about it, as she just didn't answer.
He never found her having any relationship with a man, and according to her, there is no man in the world who can tame her, which made him believe his father was dead, although she never said that.
The battle between his ideal romance and his low self-esteem seemed endless. Even after several minutes, he had not reached a consensus.
Looking at the house that was still on fire, something suddenly occurred to him.
"I set the house on fire as it reminded me of my mother too much ... can't I just erase my old life and start my life over as if nothing had happened?"
As he raised his hand to his chin in thought, he became aware of the scar on his left hand.
That was the hand a wolf took when he was six, and then it was replaced. It has been years, and although the psychological trauma has remained, the physical trauma has long healed.
At the time he had been thrown into the woods, the goal was to survive three days, depending on whatever method he found. His mother even said that even if he found a hole and hid there for three days, he would be able to pass if he survived for three days without needing her to save him.
Unfortunately, he only survived for twelve hours, luck was not on his side. Two wolves bumped into him in the middle of the night, and while shielding his head, his left hand was ripped off. He was bitten in the thigh and belly before his mother appeared to save him.
She took care of him and healed his wounds, but Lucas still remembers the disappointment in her eyes. She never scolded him, or called him weak, but it was obvious she was disappointed in him.
In more ways than one, that day was traumatic.
But what caught his attention this time was not the story behind the scar, but the very existence of it.
Pulling his shirt off his body, he looked down at his lean but muscular body and saw many scars all over him.
These scars never bothered him. The only scar on his body that bothered him was the scar on his hand, since that day was simply too striking for him.
Worst of all, the scar is on his hand, a place where he can see literally every day.
In the first few years after the incident, he started wearing gloves, since the scar was so uncomfortable to see, only years later did he make peace with himself, and although it still bothered him, he wasn't about to hide it.
Today, for the first time in his life, the scars on his body made him truly uncomfortable, they were hindrances in his innocent plan to wash away his past and start over.
The hand scar can be explained as an accident. A car accident, a mountain accident while camping with the family, something like that will do. But all these scars all over his body could not be explained.
He could live a normal life, since most of them were on his chest, back, legs and arms. He just needed to wear long sleeved shirts, and long pants.
Unfortunately, he could not have a normal romance. One day, he would need to show his scarred body to his girlfriend, and she could never understand his killer life. No matter how understanding or madly in love she was, Lucas knew that.
They might try, and maybe even do it for a while, but Lucas knows very well what it feels like to live with someone who doesn't fully understand.
She could never understand his life as a murderer until he was sixteen. Though he might end up understanding a normal person's life, if it doesn't work one way, it doesn't work for both of them.
His thoughts seemed non-consensual, and a form of depression washed over Lucas's heart. Tears began to fall from his eyes, and his already complicated feelings for his mother became even more complicated as he realized that she had condemned him to a life without normal love.
His thoughts became even more negative as he realized that this extended not only to romance but to life in general. Although he wanted to be a multi billionaire, which would definitely make his life out of the ordinary, being normal was still one of his deepest desires, almost completely hidden by his sense of inferiority for being a murderer.
His desire for a normal romance was just a sequel that managed to survive and appear against all odds. Although a normal life did not appear even in his wildest thoughts, a normal romance somehow seemed to be possible for his naive mind.
Realizing the impossibility of a normal life automatically negates the normal romance part, making his negative feelings even more negative.
This was simply too important for the sixteen-year-old Lucas, a dreamy boy who, even through the madness of his life with his mother, could have the most normal dreams.
Reading his dreams of romance in the notebook aloud, he couldn't help but laugh bitterly as tears fell from his eyes:
"I would meet her at school. She doesn't have to be absurdly beautiful, but if she could, it would be nice if she were as beautiful as my mom. Since I don't have a normal student background, she would help me study, help me buy materials, teach me."
"Our relationship would grow over time. She would start to get closer to me, talk more easily. We wouldn't need to think about the topics a lot, since at that point we would be completely comfortable with each other."
"I would try to impress her in every way, such as working hard at school or demonstrating my incredible physical abilities in sports."
"She would be impressed with my effort, talent, and most importantly, with my sincere, easygoing and reliable personality."
"Over time, physical contact would be normal until one of us confesses. No matter who confesses first, it is important that it happens at the right time to create a memory that we would comment on even twenty years later."
"We'd start walking holding hand, hug each other in the park while enjoying the breeze. Our first kiss would be on a mountain top as we watch a beautiful sunset."
Arriving at the kiss, he couldn't help but laugh through the tears. It was a little funny to realize how innocent he was when he wrote this.
The next words were written when he became a little older, by the time he had begun to understand about birds and bees.
"At first, kisses would be rare, happening a few times a week, but over time, we would become more and more in love. Our relationship would become closer and closer as we spend time together."
"We would go on dates every day after school. We'd walk around town, eating something like ice cream, and when we had the chance, we would kiss passionately."
"After a few days, we would start using our tongues, and the kisses would become even more passionate. I would be bothered during that time, as I would be hard all the time, but it would be so good that I would even forget my erection temporarily."
The details that seemed very specific were written in some books that Lucas read years ago still fresh in his mind. At the time, he was engrossed in these books, so he always imagined himself in the protagonist's shoes.
Young Lucas had so many fantasies, which extended to his dreams, and sometimes even to his nightmares. Often, his dreams would begin good and end in nightmare with the murder of someone or even his partner, by his own hands. All courtesy of his own constant assassination missions.
"The relationship would grow. We would get to know each other more. Our personality, our habits, the way we talk, the subjects we like, the subjects we don't like."
"Finally, the opportunity comes. Everything would be perfect. How it started, and how we got there. I'd take her in my arms, we would hug each other in bed, and make love. It would be magic. Our bodies, minds and spirits would come together, and it would be so pleasurable that our feelings would multiply."
Getting here, Lucas couldn't help but sigh. At this point it seemed like a utopia. His current life would not allow that. Maybe a romance would be possible if the other person wasn't normal. The problem is that if the girl is not normal, it would never be that way, Lucas knew that.
An abnormal woman refers to a woman directly or indirectly linked to the underworld. For example, the daughter of some tycoon with broad ties to the underworld, or the daughter of a politician, the daughter of gangster / underworld boss / mafia boss ... there are many abnormal women, and Lucas knows many of them.
Even women killers, he has lost count of how many he has seen, since his mother is a former leader of a rental killer organization. Ten years earlier, she had given the position to a faithful subordinate. Lucas knows her very well, as she constantly visits them. Although his mother passed the baton, she still had complete control, as the current leader is extremely loyal to her.
The constant missions his mother did, always to pass the time and have fun, were extremely difficult missions that the organization received. She did them when she was bored.
Lucas's head was swirling with thoughts. He was trying to rearrange his life and his thoughts, trying to reconcile everything. Unfortunately, the innocent young romance seemed impossible no matter how much he thinks about it.
While he was having all these thoughts, a woman quietly appeared behind Lucas, and watched him silently.
She had shiny blond hair that cut to the waist, beautiful blue eyes and a delicate face. Her body was thin, with not too large breasts, slim waist and long legs.
The woman kept watching Lucas for a while, and seeing the tears in his eyes, she slowly approached and watched what he was reading. Although she listened to everything he said before, she looked with interest at the small notebook, and finally took it from his hand.
Being cut off from his thoughts, Lucas looked silently at the woman who took his notebook.
He didn't look surprised.
She flipped through the notebook quickly, and read the rest he hadn't read yet. It was about their relationship, how they would be madly in love, get married years later, have children, and live happily ever after.
To the woman, it seemed like a generic story from some not well known movie. Cute but very simple, bland.
"Look, you know I don't like to say things that Master says since it seems like I've been brainwashed..."
" ... and you are."
"Cough. Anyway, this is too bland. It has no turnaround, it is smooth, unrealistic."
"It's not supposed to be fun for anyone reading, it's supposed to be fun for me, and I would definitely be happy if I could keep up with what's written there."
"You, maybe. But look, women are complex. You won't get your happily ever after. At some point in your marriage, she will betray you, get bored of a normal life or die of some illness or accident. Most women do not like to fall into a routine. That's the reality: life doesn't go the way we want."
"I just need to do everything to make it work. If it doesn't work out in the end, I have no regrets."
The woman rolled her eyes at that, and simply read more of what was in the notebook.
This woman's name is Rose, Lucas calls her Aunt Rose. She is the subordinate of his mother, leader of the Thorny Rose killer organization, and one of the world's greatest killers.
Don't fall for her sweet and cute appearance, she is a strong and cruel woman, perhaps not as much as Lucas's mother, but certainly cruel in her own way.
Rose was also raised by Lucas's mother when she was little. She was an orphan, a street girl, and was welcomed at the age of nine, raised since then under a Spartan regime.
Rose often jokes that while Lucas's training was even heavier, since he has almost no free time and little sleep, Rose's training was much harder, since Rose lacked the fundamentals given to him by his mother, as well as her goodwill toward him. Thanks to that goodwill, she never randomly beat him, while the same could not be said of Rose.
Rose was also found by his mother at a later age, so she was a bit rebellious, unlike Lucas who did the craziest and most painful workouts without complaining once.
Rose is why Lucas has such low self-esteem, since she called him "Mommy's Dummy" from a young age. Because of her, he firmly believes he has been brainwashed, since he never complains, whatever training he has to do, or who he has to kill.
She is often surprised by a hint of individuality she finds here and there, so she loves Lucas, treats him like her little brother.
Their relationship is very good. Rose is very fond of him for many different reasons, and Lucas is so fond of her that he often calls her "a shred of lucidity in his life of madness," since she is like him, only outside his mother's bonds.
She was sheltered at the age of nine, and left Lucas's mother's skirt bar at twenty, so Lucas firmly believes she is a female version of him, only without his mother's "strings".
She is an independent woman with her own individuality. With the skills learned, she made a name for herself as a big killer, and later, at the request of Lucas's mother, became the leader of the Thorny Rose killer organization.
Lucas believes when looking at Rose that this would be his future, one more reason for his low self-esteem to worsen. Though he loves her so much, Rose is anything but Lucas's ideal. She is a top professional killer with two decades of experience. She is not afraid of anything at all, and every aspect of her personality is abnormal.
Worst of all, Lucas strongly suspects that she is still a virgin. His theory is that she could not find a decent man after decades, as her skills are simply to good. She may have gotten his mother's idea that only a stronger man can have his way with her.
Which Lucas seriously doubts exists.
Maybe someone as strong as her, but someone strong enough to tame her? Lucas suspects that only his alleged father, who allegedly tamed his mother, would achieve this.
Honestly, his alleged father sometimes seems too unrealistic. If there is anyone in the world who can tame his mother, he would surely like to meet, not because he is his father, but because he deserves his highest respect.
By the way, does he really have a father? Perhaps he was born of artificial insemination. That sounds more realistic.
Edited by: Sk0r